OOC INFORMATION
Name: Amanda
Contact: margaretbooth, PM
Age: 36
Other Characters: Artemis Dubois

CHARACTER INFORMATION
Character Name: Amanda Young
Age: Mid to late 30s, after her previous long stint in Ryslig
Canon: Saw
Canon Point: Post-death
Character Information: Fandom wiki and normal Wikipedia.

Personality: Amanda Young harbors a great deal of volatility and anger which stem from her childhood. Her father was emotionally and physically abusive to her, locking her under the stairs in the dark for hours (she suffered a debilitating fear of the dark as a child), beating her, and telling her that she was nothing, worthless. Her anger runs hot and cold in turns; one moment she'll be icily strapping a test subject into a trap and informing them of the rules, and the next she'll be grabbing that same test subject by the face, pinning them against the wall, and preparing to shoot them. The slightest thing can (and has!) set her off, such as being told another person is too out of it post-surgery to hear her speak to them. Being told she's "nothing," insignificant, is enough to drive her to kill. It's possible for her to reach a point in her anger where she's essentially incapable of letting people get away alive, no matter how hard she tries to hold back. The longer she's angry at one particular person or thing, the more she's driven to hate them/it, and when she hates she does so bitterly and virulently. The fact that her anger problems have persisted after her test instead of being "fixed" has caused her to conclude that nobody ever really changes, further fueling her hatred.

Her self-destructive behavior started as an attempt to keep her rage under control. She needs something to prop her up, some sort of pain or equally intense sensation, in order to get by. Before being framed and going to prison, she would cut her arms; after prison, she turned to heroin; after being cured of her heroin addiction, she went right back to cutting. She cuts her thighs in secret, hiding the habit from John. This is supplemented by murder, which is her most recent form of release, as she's discovered that even causing pain to others helps to take the edge off her anger. Self-destruction and destruction of others serve as her crutches--though she projects an appearance of strength and resiliency, she's unexpectedly fragile, and without these emotional supports she would crumble. They do nothing to resolve her anger, only curb her outbursts, and even then they remain only partially effective. This destruction also helps her to maintain a sense of control, even if everything else in her life seems out of her hands, and a bout of self-injury is her quickest way to regain that sense of control.

Another crutch is her replacement for the heroin: "Jigsaw" itself, as a concept, role, and way of life, is her new drug, and the most potent part of that drug is her mentor himself. Despite all of her anger and violence, Amanda is unexpectedly childlike, another holdover from her abusive upbringing. It left her with major problems when it comes to initiative, autonomy, and self-care. Likewise, she's desperate for a sense of purpose--and as a result, experiences a persistently unstable sense of self. As is the case with most survivors of Jigsaw's twisted games, Amanda thought of John as her savior after her own (first) test. She takes it one step further, however, by regarding him as her father after being recruited as his apprentice. She genuinely loves John with all her heart, as though she were his actual daughter, and wants to make him proud of her. When he calls her out over her excessive violence, she pouts like a young child and apologizes, ashamed. Though her new purpose is to become Jigsaw after John dies, she can't handle the thought of being without him, and when he's obviously on the verge of death she breaks down in hysterical tears, like a small child terrified of losing their parent.

She's strangely childlike in other ways, as well. When alone and anxious, she tends to assume the posture and walking gait of a kid. When pushing a test subject in a wheelchair, she coasted along on the back of it in the same way children do on shopping carts. She smiles bashfully when complimented by those whom she looks up to. She's aware of these tendencies, for the most part, and tends to display most (though not all) of them only in the presence of people she trusts.

Her childlike nature, the abuse she suffered as a little girl, and the role she played in the death of the unborn Gideon Kramer (and the tremendous sense of guilt she carries over it) come together in such a way that she is comparatively gentle with children. She'll put children in dangerous or traumatic situations if ordered to do so by someone she's devoted the entirety of herself to, but actively dislikes doing it, and goes out of her way to comfort those children if they're within her vicinity.

To touch on her unstable sense of self again: Amanda has a need to constantly prove herself due to her background, often feeling empty. She believes that if people get close to her, they'll realize that she's "nothing" inside, a mere shadow of a human being. In an effort to establish a sense of self, and keep those close to her from finding her empty, she desperately tries to change herself to conform to that which is desired of her. When she was first selected as Jigsaw's successor, she effectively became the ideal image of Jigsaw, completely changing her system of values and morality to match her new role. She struggled with the dichotomy of believing nobody is capable of change and needing to believe that she herself had been reborn, which caused her a great deal of anguish. When she holds such conflicting beliefs, she finds her own feelings changing from moment to moment, from one contradictory belief to the other, in order to fit the situation and keep herself mentally and emotionally afloat. Her identity is so tied up in those she trusts that figuring out where she ends and they begin is difficult for her, and she has profound trouble imagining a future without them.

All of her anger and hate belie her capacity for love. She's very distrustful, but if a trusting bond is ever formed in the face of these odds, she will do anything for the person or people in question. This can range from aspects of day-to-day care all the way to laying her life on the line for them. Together, her capacity for deep love and desperation to give meaning to her existence make her tremendously devoted to those for whom she feels affection. Such a high level of dedication can actively override her sense of self-preservation. Amanda is the kind of person who would not only take a bullet for those she loves without the slightest hesitation, but also consider it an honor to die for them. She's prone to pushing her own needs aside for their sake, and will carry on doing so until the building emotional stress mixed with her unstable sense of self cause her to snap and accuse them of not caring for her at all, veering between idealization and devaluation of that person within a matter of moments. The thought of not being loved in return causes her a great deal of torment, and the fear of losing someone's love once she has it is even more torturous. The latter fear can drive her to do terrible things to ensure she keeps that love, and it can be used to manipulate her, too. Using it against her can cause her to capitulate to blackmail, no matter how how brutal the requirements of such may be.

While she does display care for others apart from John, Jill, and the children involved in their games (her gentle handling of the dying Laura Hunter in the nerve gas house hadn't been necessary to convince the others that she herself was a mere victim, meaning it was simply what good remained in Amanda trying to ease the woman's final misery instead; her suffocating of Adam in the bathroom was an act of mercy, intended to be kind, as she couldn't take the thought of him suffering a slow death of infection or hunger), Amanda is for the most part willing to let society burn so long as she and hers are safe. What society did to her, she feels, can be done back unto society; in fact, it would be the most just outcome. She even comes to not care too deeply that nobody is reborn, including herself, so long as she can continue to cling to those she loves without being challenged on it.

Amanda is jealous in the classic sense of the word: afraid of losing that which belongs to her. Staggeringly possessive, she can't abide anyone else forming a significant emotional connection with John, and (misconstrued) evidence of it whipped her into a violent paranoia. Having been told she's worthless for much of her life, she's terrified that she'd be replaced with someone better, both as a successor and a surrogate child. Between those two possibilities, it's the latter that scares her most of all. It's all but guaranteed that she'll behave in the same way if she ever forms such a deep connection with another person, perceiving that person as being "hers" and treating others who might try and connect with that person as threats.

Amanda doesn't need to say she loves someone aloud to show it. She's remarkably adept at conveying her feelings in glances and small, platonic touches, and in the little things she does without being asked or prompted. Checking someone's pulse and dabbing their head with a cold cloth when they're ill; brewing their favorite tea and bringing it to them before they voice their thirst; going on grocery runs between kidnapping test subjects and building death traps for ingredients to cook a person's favorite meal. She doesn't resent performing these little favors--in fact, she treasures the chance to do them. It's a privilege to her, performing these small acts of service. And when the moment calls for it, she'll actually tell people outright that she loves them, too.

Though Amanda no longer remembers everything she once knew about Jill Tuck, John's ex-wife, her love for the other woman once ran deeper. Was this because she's John's ex wife and he still loves her, or because she tried to save Amanda from herself years ago, or just because of what Amanda had done to Jill and her unborn child? In truth, all of these things played a role. Amanda knows that Jill had been emotionally invested in treating her drug problem, and had tried to help her for purely selfless reasons. As Amanda hasn't experienced much love in her life, even that much affected her profoundly (once she'd been supposedly "cured" by her first test and able to put Jill's earnest efforts in perspective). She essentially walked on eggshells around Jill, speaking in a soft and gentle tone and avoiding sudden movements, because the thought of causing fear or further pain to someone she felt such deep affection for was anathema to her. In addition, since she could be free from any concern that John might use Jill to replace Amanda as his successor or surrogate child, Amanda was able to see John loving Jill and then love Jill all the more for it herself.

Her loving nature can peek out further even with those she has a less than lasting attachment to. She's taken breaks while staging games to sing comfortingly and speak to a child being held in a locked room within the complex, even when she's on the verge of a total mental and emotional collapse of her own. Her idea of "kindness" towards Adam-- the mercy killing after he'd lost his game and had only a slow and torturous death to look forward to--was because she felt genuine (affection towards him. They'd bumped into each other on a stairwell in his building while she was on her way to break into and hide within his apartment to kidnap him later, and he'd paid her a compliment and treated her kindly. That brief interaction, hardly even a minute in length, had touched her heart enough for her to later feel for Adam and disobey John's order to leave him to suffer alone, and she sobbed the whole while she was killing him.

While her volatility and casual cruelty can do a great job of hiding just how loving she can be, it's there for anyone allowed close enough to see it if they really look. Lynn could plainly see Amanda's adoration of John even though Amanda was constantly, intentionally intimidating and terrifying her, and attempted to play on that in the hopes that Amanda might see reason and take John to an actual hospital to prolong his life as long as possible (thus releasing Lynn in the process, of course).

Amanda isn't only possessive of those whom she loves, but those whom she most hates as well. The entirety of the nerve gas house game was carried out in order to secure Detective Eric Matthews as her test subject. Eric was the crooked cop who'd framed her for drug possession and locked her away, ensuring that Amanda would never manage to improve her life even after escaping her abusive family. She blames him for everything that befell her between leaving home and being tested by John; since he "took [her] life from [her]," it seems only natural that his life, after he'd failed his own test, would belong to her. Similarly, when he escaped and cut her down verbally, using the same words her own father had, she saw no need to lock him back up and consult John. No, Eric was hers, his very life was hers, and she believed she had the right to end it as she pleased. Though she didn't succeed in killing him, she intended to and even believed she had, and figured it was none of John's business. Eric wasn't John's test subject, after all, he was hers. In her eyes, the crime Eric had committed against her had earned her the only say in what ultimately happened to him.

She's also possessive of the Jigsaw legacy. While she can't actually handle the idea of John dying, she's still very defensive of her role as successor and the traps she builds. To her, these symbolize her rise from the ashes of her earlier life, the proof that she's not worthless after all, and the thought of someone snatching that from her sends her into a panic. When she believes Dr. Lynn Denlon might be edging her out, due to the other woman's superior medical knowledge and skills, Amanda comes to quickly hate her and see her as an obstacle in need of elimination, which is why she would have inevitably killed Lynn even without being blackmailed into it. If Amanda regards someone as having less to offer than she herself does, however--is was the case with Hoffman, who served the role of 'dumb muscle' within the Jigsaw organization, and hadn't even been tested as she had--there's a chance she'll dismiss them as a threat to her position, instead looking down on them and treating them with petty callousness. She'll still loathe their presence, of course, but won't fear being replaced. It leads her to underestimate these 'non-threats' despite being trained to anticipate all possible human behavior, which often comes back to bite her in the ass in a big way. She's infuriatingly cocky in these instances, once handing a test subject an axe, turning her back on the subject, and essentially daring the now-armed woman to kill her with it, even suggesting she go for the neck.

She's remarkably cruel, and not only while committing murder. It's most obvious when she kills, however, because it's not enough for her to simply off someone: she needs to make them suffer first, preferably by forcing them to mutilate themselves while giving them the false hope of their possible survival. She likes to see this suffering right up close before the moment of death, and the cause of death itself is always excessively brutal.

As stated before, her cruelty shines through in situations apart from murder; Amanda enjoys any level of power given to or taken by her, as well as testing the limits of that power in harmful ways. She enjoys the act of terrifying people for its own sake, and will do so however she can: cold-blooded threats, grabbing and rough handling, pulling a weapon, sudden movements and noises, and so on. Even when it's imperative that the person or people she's scaring remain calm and composed, when it's a literal matter of life and death, she can't help but lash out anyway.

Amanda's work is something in which she takes a great deal of pride. She's very meticulous, and every aspect of her engineering must be perfectly planned down to the last detail. It's not enough for her designs to be efficient, either; a sort of macabre elegance is necessary before she declares anything to be complete. This meticulousness extends to every part of her life. If she needs to know about a particular subject (such as medicine or hospice care), she'll make the effort to learn absolutely everything she can from it, and then apply what she's learned to the given situation. Though she lacks a college education, the engineering expertise she picked up solely from working with Jigsaw is surprisingly vast. She's eager to prove her intelligence after years of being told she was stupid, so much so that assuming she lacks knowledge is another easy trigger for her anger.

Amanda is calculating in the extreme. Her deceitfulness was honed by pretending to be just another test subject in a group "game," and it serves her well now. She's able to temporarily drop her typically volatile temperament and pretend to be an entirely different kind of person if doing so would work towards some end. While her acts are used mostly to gain trust, or to make herself seem helpless and nonthreatening, she could conceivably use them to other ends if need be, such as obtaining material goods.

Although she feels some measure of guilt for doing so, she's also able and willing to deceive those she cares about to protect herself and her relationships with them, especially if she fears their disapproval. She'll even lie to herself, if that's what it takes to keep her going from day to day. Her deceptions will continue in this way until her lies are exposed, or she mentally and emotionally collapses under the stress of keeping up the act. While in the midst of such a breakdown, she becomes just as dangerous to herself as she is to others, ignoring all warnings as to her own safety and becoming unable to see the bigger picture or think multiple steps ahead.

While not speaking up about her role in the miscarriage might not be strictly deceitful in the eyes of others, it certainly is in her own. It's the only part of her past she's kept hidden from John, which is a big enough deal to begin with, but she can't bring herself to come clean to Jill, either. She feels that her involvement in the tragedy is wholly beyond forgiveness, believing herself solely responsible for the loss despite not having been the one to slam into Jill with the door, and if it ever became known to them, she'd lose their affection. Even as she hated herself for staying silent about it, she intended to take that secret to her grave--and did, since the truth became public knowledge not through her own words but as a result of the blackmail note Hoffman had left for her.

In addition to her one big secret, her part as a plant in the nerve gas house, and her lies to John about following his rules, Amanda deceives her own test subjects on a regular basis. Jigsaw games are acknowledged even by the police as being potentially winnable, and when her victims wake up and find themselves in traps, they believe implicitly that if they follow the rules, they'll come out alive. However, Amanda's games are inescapable. The harness Detective Kerry was placed in was bolted into her ribcage, and couldn't be removed even when she followed the rules and unlocked it, tearing her ribs apart and opening her torso. Even if Troy had been able to remove the final chain ring in his mandible (an essentially physically impossible task), he would have found the door welded shut and been blown to shreds by the nail bomb anyway. She even promised to let Dr. Denlon go free if she kept John alive, but Amanda absolutely, 100% would have killed the surgeon even if Hoffman hadn't blackmailed her into doing so. She deceives in this way in order to provide her test subjects with false hope, because she finds their deaths all the more satisfying after watching that hope struck down mere moments before their end.

AFTER HER ORIGINAL STINT IN RYSLIG--a very long stay spanning roughly five years--Amanda has doubled down on both her homicidal behavior and her pride in such, feeling empowered to do so because of her devotion to the Fog God. She may very well be the fastest god convert in Ryslig history, having pledged herself to the Fog almost immediately after her initial arrival. Having died in her own world before waking in Ryslig, she credits the Fog God dragging her to this new world with her resurrection from death and swore to give everything in her to serve the Fog and advance that agenda. In John's absence, Amanda now regards the Fog God as her newest replacement parent, and genuinely considers herself to be the God's surrogate daughter, especially after securing priesthood. Upon her return, she will continue to define herself in these terms. In other words, she's repeating the same, Jigsaw-esque pattern of behavior here, only in an exponentially more destructive way: she'd needed to at least pretend to act with restraint while under John's leadership, but because the Fog wants Amanda to embrace who she really is, Amanda has grown more unhinged as a monster than she ever was as a human. Hell, just being separated by the Fog on a short-term basis was enough motivation for her to commit suicide to return to Ryslig from Felfri, and then help to murder a child she believed to be responsible in spite of her own usual soft spot for kids. And when she discovers that the Fourth has grasped even a slight advantage over the Fog in her absence...well, there really aren't sufficient words to describe the level of unhinged fury that knowledge will stir up in her.

In addition, Amanda has died so many times in Ryslig that there are gaps in her memory regarding her own history. Her memories of Mark Hoffman have been entirely excised, as were all memories of John and Jill's unborn soon Gideon, including the role Amanda played in the miscarriage. As a result, these persons and events no longer have any impact upon her behavior. Her affection for Jill Tuck remains, though as all Amanda can remember is Jill's earnest attempt to treat her heroin addiction and save her from herself, it's markedly less overwhelming. While that alone is enough for her to be very fond of John's ex-wife, without the crushing guilt over the miscarriage, Amanda no longer feels so consumed by that attachment, or fearful that she'd later managed to upset Jill even further than the loss of her pregnancy already had.

5-10 Key Character Traits: Self-destructive, intelligent, possessive, volatile, meticulous, deceitful, childlike, cruel, loving
Would you prefer a monster that FITS your character's personality, CONFLICTS with it, EITHER, or opt for 100% RANDOMIZATION? Amanda has already been sorted as Faerie under the "fits" option.
Opt-Outs: N/A
Roleplay Sample: Here.

   
Do you have comments, questions, or critiques concerning the way I play Amanda? Feel free to submit them here so I can improve!

IP logging is turned off. Anonymous is turned on. Screening is turned on.

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OPT-OUT
Amanda Young's backstory contains a number of serious, potentially triggering subjects. These include:

- Serial murder
- Homicidal sadism
- Graphic and brutal torture
- Heroin addiction
- Self-harm
- Physical, emotional, and mental child abuse (inflicted upon her) by an alcoholic and drug-addicted parent
- Child sexual abuse (inflicted upon her and others) by that same parent
- Incestuous abuse (see above)
- Miscarriage (not her own)
- Intense Stockholm Syndrome
- Police corruption and brutality
- Prison abuse (partly sexual) and the resultant trauma
- Severe and untreated Borderline Personality Disorder

If you want to opt-out of mention of any these subjects while interacting with Amanda, or opt-out of interaction with her entirely, please comment here (while logged into one of your character journals!) with your name, which character(s) you play, and which subject(s) you want me to avoid in threads with you so I can keep track!